At samurai preschool, you're encouraged to run with sharp objects.

As the killer whale erupted from the toilet bowl and pressed him against the ceiling of his own bathroom, John could only imagine that the whale was just as startled as he was.

She wasn't dead yet, but already the maggots were circling like vultures.

Nothing's perfect, so you pick the things whose flaws you can live with.

He found a rotting peach and kept it in a saucer on his desk. I never knew how to behave around it.

I shaved intricate patterns into my beard to maintain the illusion of a man with obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

She left a trail of love zombies in her wake.

Just kidding.