Children need to learn where their food comes from. Whenever possible, kill the animal in front of them. This is why it's best to start them on goldfish.

thanks: Don

For cannibalistic savagery, you need look no further than your front yard - plants everywhere, feasting on the decaying remains of their fallen comrades!

As I turn up the music, the ugly world fades from sight.

Oh, I know I'm all that - I just didn't know you'd noticed.

Gliding through the stillness of the setting sun, dragging a toe in the cool water. We talked of everything and nothing as fireflies danced amongst the trees overhanging the shore. The last village seemed so far away, the next just a notion, the river eternal.

America's relationship with England just goes to show that no matter how wild your youth, you always turn out like your parents in the end.

I had no idea a dress made entirely of cobwebs could be so fetching!

Cause of death: extreme bad manners.

I was just another idealistic upper-middle-class white boy, trying to fix the Third World. Little did I know how much I would end up needing those tools and skills in my own life.

Sunshine fatalism: we're all doomed, so let's have some fun!

Would we be as fond of rhythmic music if we all got around using wheels instead of feet?

The guy next to me on the bus was writing in his notebook. I averted my gaze at first, but curiosity got the better of me. He was writing, "Hey you! Yes, you! I don't have time to explain, but you must get off at the next stop with me!"

God, the couch potato: quaffing ambrosia, absently flipping between 6 billion channels of reality TV.

There's nothing like a celebrity car crash to make driving sexy again!

Bionic grandma: That hip replacement came with bonus features!

If there is no such thing as a toxic idea, how come I feel so much better when I cut down on TV commercials?

In spiritual geometry class today we learned about the diabola, one of the demonic sections.

Design is making decisions others wish they'd made.

She was beautiful, in a sad way, like lace curtains blowing through the broken windows of a burnt out warehouse.

If corporate mind control works so well, why am I thinking this right now?

Yeah, I meant to care, but then I forgot.

thanks: Jeannie

And there she was, covered in soot and debris from the blast, otherwise unharmed, "Does anyone have a tissue?"

"Is Russia finest tea cake," he beamed, "How you say? Words alone cannot bring it to justice!"

Her body was the canvas upon which she worked her art.

The mug on his desk said in bright, bold letters, "#1 Sock Drawer Organizer."

If you can tell the difference between one coffee and another, you're obviously addicted.

My posture has improved so much since I started wearing this body armor!

thanks: Christina

My job, as an artist, is to distract you from the ultimate futility of life. Oh, uhh, forget I said that. . .