It's not an adventure if you don't feel lost in the middle.

On his lapel he wore a decorative pin that had embossed in gold letters, "Please Don't Look At This Pin."

Job Interview with the Vampire: "It's hard to find someone with your skills willing to work these hours, but we're concerned about the fact that all of your references are deceased."

I'm hooked on that new religious makeover show, "Gnostic Eye for the Orthodox Guy."

He walked a few steps before us, his lantern swinging, casting light and shadow across the buildings as we went.

My girl says I'm unromantic, but I tell her I'm just being efficient.

The restaurant served culinary recreations of famous artworks. I had the Pollock, she had the Renoir.

thanks: Jeannie & Olivier

And there it was, just like he said it would be: a bird's nest made of cat hair.

She lives by her own rules; I loved that about her until I realized they completely conflict with mine.

Laying there in the tall grass I lost track of time; the clouds danced and rearranged themselves, putting on a pageant for my amusement.

Truth may be stranger than fiction, but there's much less of it to go around.

Just $20 for me to ignore your flaws for half an hour.

I suddenly became acutely aware of the intricate dance of cells and organs that made his existence possible, and completely lost track of what he was talking about.

You think I'm dangerous, but it's just that we have different priorities.

He titled his autobiography, "Shortcut to Whatever."

Of course it's not natural. . . If it was, you wouldn't be needing me to do it for you!

I'm on the plane to my surprise vacation - I won't know where I'm going until I land. They've taken care of everything, even packed a set of bags for me, but still I'm nervous.

At first I made the mistake of believing that everyone was basically the same. Then I made the mistake of believing I was unique. Now I don't know what mistake to make.

Note to self: write something clever.

Perfection is fine and all, but it's so... obvious.

Funny how no one says, "Take a picture, it'll last longer," now that we all have cameras on our cell phones.

What I really want to know is have I sailed straight on through to acceptance or am I still in denial?

She wanted to meet at "Dog Eat Dog World", a restaurant that served meat exclusively from animals that eat humans.

thanks: Lutz

Without an oppressive system to rebel against, where are we going to get our maverick geniuses?

If I live through this, I certainly hope I will have gotten this sort of thing out of my system.

All this time I thought they were trying to hold me back... Turns out they just didn't know what I wanted.

Whenever I need an excuse to say nice things about someone, you always come through for me.

Note how the Valley Girl, while highly adapted to its native environment, lacks important survival traits for the outside world.

But I know what they did not; if I consummate my revenge, it will lose its power to soothe me.

"No one knows who I am here," she thought, "I can do anything."