Do flowers know they're pretty?

Recent study shows nearly all the world's problems are caused by other people.

She followed him there, and as the full moon rose, she entered the house and explored his secret rooms.

Napcake: a cupcake that cleans your face and hands while you eat it.

Overheard in the land where love is money: "I need change, can you break a heart?"

Boredom is the uncle of invention.

Oh yeah? Let's see you recontextualize my fist!

Sure, but what are you going to do right now?

Often the dogfood doesn't taste right without the Kool-Aid.

In my version, the dinosaurs developed technology and invented humanoid robots that eventually rose up and killed them.

It's better to do the right thing poorly than the wrong thing well.

They still held the rehearsal dinner, even though the wedding was canceled. I've never had that many awkward conversations in one sitting.

The Fundamentalist Agnostic orders dinner at a restaurant: "Like I told you, I don't know! Why can't you just accept that?"

The first time I saw her, she was in the river, hair soaked wild, wrestling an extremely large fish to shore.

Well, it all depends on your baby-to-bathwater ratio.

It's unwise to get all your wisdom from only one source.

Being right is but a means to an end.

We should do the things we dislike as efficiently as possible, so we can do the things we love as inefficiently as we want.

A poet's job is to break in the language for the rest of us.

They were just as bored as ever, but now they looked fabulous for it.

Learning happens only where failure is acceptable.

It's arrogance to think you know how to improve the world, but it's negligence not to try.

You need to slow down enough to actually accomplish something.

His blood pooled in intricate designs, foretelling the course of civilizations yet to be.

My new hobby: leaving little tufts of Muppet fur in public urinals.

There's a fine line between paranoia and just thinking things through.

I don't want to reward her for stubbornness, but I don't want to punish her for conviction.

Sometimes the things we do are just metaphors for the things we wish we were doing.

Incommunicolada: the only drink strong enough to render you speechless that still comes with an umbrella.

On the road to salvation, beware the rest stops.